First Important Engagement

So my best friend is engaged. Well one of my three best friends is engaged. I am not one of those sappy, wedding-crazy, ooh ooh foofy dresses and flowers and OOOHHH bouqet!!!!!! type of girls, but when she told me...I cried. It was part tears of joy and part tears of "this wonderful life of wonderful single girls is OVER!! get on board, lady!!!!!" In all honesty, she is the one and only person I trust making a decision like this...There is not even a flicker of doubt anywhere in me about this relationship. And I'm pretty sure that she feels the same way. Everything with them just fits...they just make sense together. And on top of all that, they have the whole love thing going.
Which brings me to this...when does complicated get too complicated? What happens when the love thing is in place, but the situation is not? when the circumstances keep getting in the way? when the relationship doesn't just make sense?

I feel like hell right now...jeni's ice cream (the best) didn't help me earlier and apple cinnamon tea (up there) isn't helping me now, and I have just decided to veto any channel that plays Dr. Phil commercials.

Happy Monday.

Regret, or Something Like It

I tell people that moving to Ohio has been the best decision of my life. I say this vehemently, offering up solid reasons as to why this is true. My job! Being able to afford a nice apartment...with a washer AND dryer! and a pool! The complete independence! I say the last one with extra emphasis, and everyone including myself knows its a lie. Sure, I put almost all my furniture together myself, and even did a pretty good job decorating the place. Very you, people say. I am surrounded by black and white pictures of my girlfriends, now miles away from me. My parents. And him. But he is not miles away anymore. He's here, a five minute drive, at my disposal ALL THE TIME. And what a disaster that's become. Sitting here at the pub table I am so proud of (I got a great deal on it!) I think that the Move may have been the worst decision I could have made. All my good intentions have gone to shit. He and I...we've had better days. Years, even. I never took cooking classes. Too expensive. I never took up yoga. He stopped going to the gym with me, and then I stopped going period.

I miss my life in Boston. I miss the wonderful cafe across the street, with the perfect tuna and pesto wrap. I miss Store 24 and the Pakistani man who sold me a giant bottle of water every day (I know, I was killing the environment!) I miss the Armenian or Arabian guys at the pizza shop with the Irish name right below my apartment! I miss the walks along the harbor and the bars and the restaurants. I even miss moving my car on the street cleaning nights, and every two hours in the South End. I miss Harvard Square, and Border tacos and enchiladas (and margaritas!)....I could go on and on, but on this night, at this moment, I am so full of missing I think I could cave in. I try not to let myself regret but I feel it creeping into me, taking over my thoughts. Taunting me as I wander through my small apartment, lingering over pictures of memories. I will walk into work tomorrow, smiling and laughing and everyone will be convinced by my confidence. But I will come home tomorrow night and regret will find its way back into that spot in the center of my chest...and I will ignore it and look forward to my next trip back into my old life.

First Impression and Cookies

Because I started this a month ago and still have yet to post...I need to get this first one out of the way. It's like a first impression, even if no one ever reads this except for myself, I'll still always look back and think, Man that first post sucked.
So I was at target today (one of the perks of living in the midwest...there's a target less than fifteen minutes away...in each direction!) with all kinds of wild purchasing expectations, and I found myself cashing out in the express lane with no more than two packages of Pepperidge Farms cookies. The good kind, with the macadamias and chocolate chunks. With a coupon. And after using my Mastercard for that four dollar purchase, I drove home eating my dinner...one chocolate chunk cookie and one oatmeal cranberry cookie. And I watched mediocre tv on my couch, using the rain as an excuse to not do one productive thing. Until, of course, Scrubs came on and then my productivity level increased to the point where I was analyzing exactly why I love Dr. Cox oh so much. I'm sure I'll revisit that at a later time.
And yes, I am excited to have gotten this first impression out of the way. It's nice and nonthreatening, and doesn't scare anyone away. Yet.